Your Time to Shine

I am loving this corner that I found myself in. From the side lines where I sit, I’m loving watching you get bigger and prouder, grow tough scales and learn to breathe fire.

You see, in the almost-six years that we’ve been together, I’ve seen you at your worst. But I have always believed that at your best, you could change the world.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of what you have achieved. There can be no greater enemy than one’s self, which is why there can be no sweeter victory than the triumph over one’s own demons. But I’m not surprised because I have seen this coming. I’ve had faith in you, long before you started believing in yourself.

Okay. This is as far as the drama gets. From this point on, let us celebrate. It’s your time to shine, so here’s to more, sweeter, bigger conquests ahead as you revel in your moment.

Next question, please

Today is probably the day I got asked about wedding plans the most number of times and in the most number of variations, from the most subtle "Kelan ba kayo lalagay sa tahimik?" to the most blunt "Kelan ba ang kasal?"

I don't know why, but it seems to me that the question is just as inevitable in family gatherings as lechon and leche flan. It's bearable when it's your family gathering. But it becomes a bit awkward when it's his family that asks you such a question that is rightfully his to answer.

I don't really mind, especially because Ronald's family is so flawlessly nice. But it would have been easier if it were a press conference. Because then my press statement could have been: "We do have plans. We are engaged and we have been talking about it. But I just don't have the details to share with you right now." But it's not. And so I've found that the only safe answer that you can give is a sweet smile. (Baka maudlot pa, a la Jolens and Bebong.) It's just that after some time, your jaw starts to tighten up from too much smiling. At this point, I look at Ronald to cue him that it's his turn to smile.

What I have to understand though is why women get that question more often than men do. I guess it has a lot to do with women's biological clocks. I guess women who, like me, are not getting any younger, walk around like ticking time bombs while men, like wine, get better as they age. But it doesn't really bother me, because I plan to age the way Demi Moore and Salma Hayek are doing it.

Back to the big question. At the end of the day, I concede that despite all the wedding queries that I got, it was still Ronald who was the bigger winner of the day. After all, you don't get asked the question by your fiancee's father every day.

How to get rid of excess baggage

I have always been the type that finds it difficult to let go--of people, memories, and things, most especially. I bring a lot of baggage along (so BF always says, although always in a slightly different context).

The result: every square inch of the earth's surface that I have ever been on, I have left piled up with things--all sorts of things--at one point or more, or even forever. I want to show you what I mean.

This is a snap shot of one corner of my workstation back when I was still there full-time. (Those who know me know that I've been trying to limit my trips to the office to twice a week--max!) If this were a panoramic shot, you'd see that there is thrice as much mess. "I work better when I'm in the midst of rubbish," is the excuse that I always give. And there's always the "I haven't even had the time to come up for air so you can't expect me to have time to clean up" alibi.

Maybe there's some truth in these excuses. But mostly, I simply find it a lot easier to manage five clients at a time than to make sure the mess doesn't pile up. It takes a lot of effort for me to monitor the piles of paper, much more to keep them to a maximum height of an inch or two. Besides, it's mentally exhausting to sort out the ones that you still need from the ones that you still might need in the future, from those that someone else might need, from those that you can throw away.

Ask my mom, and she would tell you that when she would drop by my former office, she would be compelled to clean up my desk because she just couldn't stand the sight of it and because she thought no human being should be suffered to work in such a dismal environment. 

"And what about the two-day-old fries that we found underneath the papers?" I can almost hear Anne ask.

To that, I'd say: "I haven't even had the time to come up for air so you can't expect me to have time to finish my fries, or remember that I didn't finish them pala!"

Today, I made my momma proud.

Blame it on that 5S chorvah, or blame it on their threat of throwing all my work belongings into the incinerator. On a Tuesday afternoon (despite the fact that ed board was moved to Wed), I had to rush to the office to claim my important stuff, and throw the rest that I think I could live without. In the process, I found that the easiest way to do it is to sort them out into two piles only: 1) those that I want to keep, and 2) those that I don't. At the end of the exercise, I was able to salvage two boxes, one basket, one paperbag and one bag of the things I thought I would miss; and one full pushcart of the things I didn't want. Oh, and I kept the recyclable bond papers and placed them in the pile next to the printer din!

So this is how my workstation now looks...

 

Now I just need to remember to work somewhere else whenever I come by. 

A requiem for Kiko Rustia

Photo courtesy of http://www.survivorphilippines.tv

I am still in shock as I write this.

Jologs kung jologs but I like watching Survivor Philippines for reasons that I have not yet thought about. I have never been so affected by tribal council until tonight. I hope the castaways who betrayed Kiko are seeing how stupid they are now for being duped by Marlon, who is nothing but a big, fat, useless, good-for-nothing liar. Nothing could be more stupid than falling for such a trap crudely set up by an obviously incompetent pig who knows he can't win any challenge and so he has to resort to scheming.

Over the weekend, while counting down the days to revelation night (remember how Paolo cut off last Friday's episode right before the last ballot was supposed to be read?), BF and I had extensively discussed the permutations, combinations and consequences.

First off, the obvious fact then was that it was a fight against Marlon and Kiko.

If Kiko were to be voted off, it would have to take two Naak members conspiring with the three Jarakay members to muster the required number. If they are successful, all alliances will be broken, and each castaway will have to fend for themselves to make it through every tribal council.

If, on the other hand, the Naak members are sensible enough to stick to the plan, they are assured that they will not be voted off until the last of the Jarakay members is gone. After which, it will be every castaway's game, which is fair enough, I think. 

This means that the traitors would have had a better chance (one out of six as opposed to one out of eight) of becoming sole survivor had they stuck to the plan.

But they are stupid. And what can you expect of stupid people?

Anyways, the die is cast, and Kiko moves on from the camp to the jury, leaving only Nanay Zita and JC as the only morally upright and worth-watching castaways in the show. (The others, especially Kaye, Chris, and Marlon make me want to throw up.)

For Kiko, life probably has better things in store for you, as with Mommy Zita and JC (who, I read somewhere will eventually become sole survivor.)

For Marlon, Kaye and Chris, be careful when you go out tomorrow. I'm pretty sure the taongbayan are aching to get their hands on you. For Marlon, this wish is especially for you: I hope you have nothing but my wrath to eat for the rest of your life.

Para sa ating lahat, a lesson learned: Nothing is what it seems.

About my picture

Let me tell you about the picture in this page.

There is a hideway that I always go to when I get the chance, usually during summer breaks, sem breaks, Christmas breaks, even long weekends. It's a beach resourt tucked in a faraway barrio in Batangas, next to an overrated resort with imported white sand, dead corals and a depleted fish population. My hideaway is nothing like Bora or Palawan, but the people, the sea, and the memories I made there with friends and lover make it a paradise for me and BF.

I discovered it in 2004 when my mountain climbing org held its beachineering adventure there. Back then, the place looked nothing like a resort. It was simply a beachfront property with a shore big enough to accommodate around 10 tents. Since then, that beachfront patch has always been like a second home.

In the summer of 2005, I organized a beach vacation there for my law-school friends (Machie, who is now a happy wife and mother; Trisha, who just left law school to try working; Jam, who is now in Singapore; Haydee, a childhood friend; Paul, whom I don't want to talk about; and Ronald, who is now my Be).

The picture, which was taken by Ronald, shows me in that memorable outing, with a case of stale beer sitting behind me. Suffice it to say that it was one of those moments that "sealed the deal" between Ronald and me, because we fell hard shortly after.

These photos, taken by paparazzi Haydee using her cell phone, captured some unguarded moments between me and now-BF. The first one shows me and him watching the big jellyfishes with small fishes swimming in their bellies. The second one shows us rejoining the pack from the stolen moment, with me drinking a glass of stale beer.

BF and I have gone back to that hideaway a lot of times since, each time we make it a point to think back on previous memories and make some more.

Here are some more photos from my beach hideaway...

Early-stage Alzheimer's?

I haven't taken Glutaphos since last sem ended. I am praying that this is the only reason why my memory has not been up to speed lately.

Just last night, I had three embarassing and frustrating memory-gap moments.

MG Moment #1:

Me: Be (pet name for BF), maganda daw yung Twilight na book sabi nila Tin?

Ronald: Oo nga, di ba sinabi ko na sayo yun?

Me (trying to remember while covering up): Ay talaga? Trilogy pala yun e, no?

R: Oo nga, sinabi ko na yun di ba?

Me (desperately attempting): Nakita ko kasi kay Tin kanina e.

R: Pinicturan ko pa yung cover tsaka pinakita ko sayo di ba? Tsaka pinakita ko rin yung book nung nasa National Bookstore tayo?

Me: Oh, right. Sorry.

MG Moment #2:

R (to his Dad): Buti na lang napaayos na yung susi ng Honda, Daddy (or something to that effect, I can't remember how it went exactly).

D: Oo nga.

Me: Meron pong nagho-home service na mga locksmith.

D: Oo meron nga. Tumawag nga kami e.

R (in hushed tone, to me): Be, magkausap tayo sa phone two days ago nung ginawa yung susi, di ba?

A: Ay...okay.

MG Moment #3

I honestly can't remember. Will post separately when it gets back to me.

Before the night ended, BF said: "You don't listen to me."

I said, "Of course, I do. Baka puyat lang ako or maraming iniisip during those times."